Dear Nicole: I Got “Dumped” Before My First Date

Dear Nicole,

So I matched with this guy on a dating app, and we started chatting. He seemed very interested. He asked me a lot of questions and talked about himself a lot. A week later, we exchange numbers and add each other on social media. After texting back and forth, he finally asks me to grab dinner.

The date is in 5 days, and we continue to text, and then he starts saying that one day he’s going to take me hiking and to a cooking class.

Day of the date arrives, and I get this long message from him wishing me well and saying that he shouldn’t be getting into any kind of “semi-serious/serious relationship.”

I’m confused because we never talked about a relationship. What should I do or say?


Note: The question has been edited for length and/or clarity.

Dear Annoyed, 

There’s really nothing for you to do or say. His message doesn’t require a response from you, but if you want to remain amicable, shoot him a “Thanks!” and leave it at that.

The good thing about this whole situation is that you dodged a bullet. Imagine if you had met up with him and then he pulled this or worse, ghosted?!

At least this guy was upfront, even though it was a bit premature since you hadn’t even met. 

I think talking about future plans or dates before having met the person is a red flag. You don’t even know the guy, but he’s going on and on about how the two of you are going to do x, y, and z? It’s weird.

It’s great to be positive when chatting with someone new, but there’s no need to get ahead of yourself like that. Seems like he created this whole relationship in his head. 

I also noticed that you wrote that he “seemed very interested.” The thing about online dating is that there’s no way to know if someone is genuinely “interested” in you. I mean they can be but to a certain degree. Chatting online is not the same as meeting in person and connecting that way. 

It sucks that you never got that date, but look at it this way; you didn’t waste your time on this guy. I mean yes, you guys were texting for a bit, but you didn’t invest much time or energy.

Now you can get back out there and find someone much better!

Best of luck!

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been “dumped” before the first date? Comment below! 

Need advice, ask me, it’s totally anonymous!

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